


About Adam

by lightwoodcipher



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bad Parent John Winchester, Closeted Character, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Gay Adam Milligan, I Love Adam So Much, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Post-Episode: s15e19 Inherit the Earth, Smoking, adam is gay because i'm gay and i say so, i'm becoming unhinged and delusional
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:29:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28396182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightwoodcipher/pseuds/lightwoodcipher
Summary: Sam and Dean are on a normal hunt when they come across a monster that forces them to watch a happy memory of the ones they've lost or "ruined the lives of." They're put into a memory of their little brother Adam where they discover that they barely know him at all.An Adam-centric fic focused on his backstory and fleshing out his character because he's my favorite and he deserved more screen timeTW: smoking and mentions of relapsing after quittingBTW: Destiel is only mentioned in this, don't go into this expecting a destiel fic
Relationships: Adam Milligan/Original Male Character(s), Castiel/Dean Winchester, Michael/Adam Milligan
Kudos: 31





	About Adam

**Author's Note:**

> uhhh okay I haven't written fanfiction in a LONG time, the last time I wrote something other than a school essay was like 3 years ago... so please be nice to me. honestly tho this is just gonna be a shitty ramble because I am so damn attached to Adam Milligan right now man
> 
> uhhh I'm sorry that the POV is kinda messed up,,, most of it is from Dean's POV and then it does a weird switch to Adams POV because.... I'm lazy and bad at writing?? (It's still technically 3rd person POV tho I will never use "I" pronouns in a fic)
> 
> also tbh this fic is kinda just be projecting onto Adam because fuck you I can

Dean wasn't fully aware of what just happened to him. He and Sam were on a normal hunt, as tame and insignificant as all of the ones they’ve been going on in the months since they defeated Chuck and gained their free will. They were going after a small group of demons who were murdering innocent people all over the state of Kansas. When they had all three of the demons caught in Devils Traps, they were subjected to a ridiculous speech from one of them:

"Ya know boys, we may be the demons species wise, but you Winchester boys have ruined more lives and caused the deaths of more people than we ever could. I mean, anyone you’ve ever considered your friend or family are dead or have had their lives completely torn apart because of you! Your mother is dead, your father is dead, Bobby Singer is dead, Charlie Bradbury is dead, Castiel is dead…” the demon sneered at him and clearly gained an immense feeling of satisfaction at the pained grimace that crossed his face when Castiel was mentioned. “Not to mention, Claire Novak had her entire life ruined because Castiel came to your aid, and your little brother Adam ALSO had his entire life ruined just because he was born in the same bloodline as you! If anyone here is truly evil, it’s you two!” 

“Shut your damn mouth. If it weren’t for Chuck, none of them would have died. It’s not our fault.” He heard Sam growl angrily. He was still affected by the comment about Cas being dead, so he didn’t catch the sympathetic look Sam gave him.

The demons all giggled. The demon who had just given the speech rolled their eyes. “I’m sure you’d like to believe that, boys. However, I’m sure that if Chuck wasn’t pulling the strings, they all still would have died or had their lives ruined due to your selfishness and gross incompetence.” They paused for dramatic effect as he heard a small shuffle behind him. “I mean,” they continued, “you didn’t even notice that there was one more of us!”

He and Sam whirled around to see another demon standing in front of them. Before either of them could act, the demon threw them both against a wall. Sam was clearly knocked unconscious from the impact, and he was slipping out of it. The last thing he saw before completely passing out was the demon strolling up to him and Sam and placing two fingers on each of their temples. 

He saw a blinding light, and then opened his eyes to see himself sitting in the back of a car. He looked to his left side and saw Sam looking back at him with a bewildered expression. He shrugged his shoulders and looked at their surroundings. It was nighttime, and the car was speeding down a deserted highway in the middle of nowhere. There was 90’s pop music blasting on the car radio. There were two people in the front seats jamming out to the music. 

“Hey!” He called out to them. They didn’t seem to hear him, and they didn’t respond. 

Suddenly, he heard a voice in his head saying: “they can’t hear you, dumbass. I’m forcing you to watch happy memories of those you’ve ruined the lives of or caused the deaths of. It’s what you two deserve.” 

He looked over to Sam, and he could tell by the look on his face that he had heard that voice as well. 

He looked forward again and realized that he recognized the person sitting in the passenger seat. He’d recognize that fiery red hair anywhere: it was Charlie. He immediately felt a pang of guilt. She looked so happy jamming out to Wannabe by the Spice Girls. Her long hair was pulled back, and she looked young. He guessed that she was no older than 17. 

He didn’t recognize the person in the drivers seat next to her. It was a girl with pale skin and shaggy black hair that went to her shoulders. From what he could see, the girl looked like some kind of goth chick. She had a bunch of large rings around her fingers and black fishnet sleeves.

Both girls were singing at the top of their lungs and laughing whenever one would mess up the lyrics. He looked over at Sam, who had a painfully guilty look in his eyes. He sighed and squeezed his eyes shut, hoping to block it out and push down the heavy weight of guilt he was feeling.

By some miracle, he opened his eyes to a different sight. He immediately recognized where him and Sam were. They were in the Roadhouse. They both sighed and prepared for memories from either Jo, Ellen, or Ash.

It felt like hours had passed. They had seen such happy and beautiful memories from Jo, Ash, Bobby, Kevin, Rowena, and even Mick Davies. Dean knew that they were both feeling guilty and sad, but those feelings were much more visible on Sam’s face at this point.

He sighed as he and Sam opened their eyes to find themselves in a new room. This time, they had no idea where they were. They were clearly standing in a bedroom that looked like it belonged to a teenager. He spotted a calendar on the wall, it was May 2007. He pointed it out to Sam, who just nodded. He looked around the room as early 2000s pop punk music he didn’t recognize played softly from a radio. It was littered with posters ranging from a small one of Britney Spears to a print of Fall Out Boy that almost took up an entire wall. The parts that weren’t covered with a print or a poster were spray painted with various designs, logos, and band names. He also spotted a backpack near the twin bed that was shoved up against a wall that was so full he thought the zippers were about to bust open at any moment. 

He felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned to see Sam looking very upset holding some kind of photograph. He took it out of Sam's hand and realized why he looked so upset. Staring up at him from the photo was a smiling Adam Milligan. He looked young, no older than 16. In the photo, he was accompanied by a girl with long strawberry blonde hair, lots of freckles, and very pale skin, a girl with dark skin, long braids, and large winged eyeliner, and a boy with short, dark curly hair and light brown skin. His friends. 

Suddenly, the door opened and in walked Adam himself. He was wearing the same mustard colored jacket he was wearing when they first met him along with some kind of band t-shirt and black skinny jeans with rips in the knees. He had a laptop and some kind of school textbook shoved under his arm. He set the laptop and textbook gently down on his bed. 

“Uh, hey mom?” he called. “Leo wants to come over and hang out, is that alright?”

“Yeah of course sweetheart!” she called back. “I have to leave for work in about 20 minutes, so don’t burn the house down!” He rolled his eyes.

“Yeah alright.” 

Dean suddenly heard some kind of knock on the window. He looked over at Adam, who just rolled his eyes again. Adam chuckled and walked over to the window and opened it wide. 

“Seriously Leo? Why can’t you just come in through the front door like a normal person? I mean come on, throwing rocks at a window is so… Romeo and Juliet.” He called out the window playfully. It sounded like someone had started climbing a ladder before Adam stepped back from the windowsill and stuck his hand out. A few seconds later, a light brown-skinned hand grabbed Adam’s. 

The boy from the photo, Leo, pulled himself into the room using Adams hand and the windowsill for support. He straightened himself up and was standing chest-to-chest with Adam. He was about 4 inches shorter than Adam, but his shoulders were much wider. He was wearing a black denim jacket with patches all over the sleeves, some kind of band t-shirt, and black jeans littered with sewn-on, handmade patches. He had at least 3 ear piercings as well as snakebite lip piercings. Dean couldn’t quite tell, but he thought that he might have been wearing smudged eyeliner around his dark brown eyes.

“You know there wasn’t any rock-throwing in Romeo and Juliet right?” Leo teased. Adam crossed his arms. “Anyway, the reason I can’t use the front door like a normal person is simply because I am dramatic and a hopeless romantic.” Leo beamed. A blush crept up Adam’s face as he pulled his lips into a dorky, crooked smile. 

Dean suddenly felt like he was intruding on something private. He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. He knew Adam and Leo couldn’t see him and Sam, but he felt weird about watching this, whatever it was. 

Leo made a movement to close the window, but Adam stopped him. 

“Nah, leave it open. I want to smoke, and you know how my mother will react if she smells cigs in here.” He said. Dean raised his eyebrows. He didn’t know Adam was a smoker. 

Leo scoffed. “I mean, she IS a nurse. Of course she wouldn’t approve of you smoking. It’s not really great for you.” He said as he walked over to Adam’s radio to turn it up. It was Green Day, and Leo began to bop his head to the song playing. 

“Don’t act morally superior, you’re the one getting drunk every weekend. You want one?” Adam retorted, pulling a pack of Newports and a lighter out of his backpack. 

“Nah, I’ll just take a drag of yours if I really want to.” Leo said, winking at him. Adam blushed again and shrugged. He kneeled by his windowsill, facing towards the outside. He stuck the cigarette in between his teeth and lit it. He took a long drag, making sure that all of the smoke was going outside. Leo inched closer to him. 

“I gotta say Adam, seeing you on your knees is quite the sight to behold.” He said. Dean choked. He had guessed from the moment Leo flirted about Romeo and Juliet and Adam smiled like an idiot that something more than friendship was going on between them, but he hadn’t expected this. He glanced over at Sam to make sure that he had heard the same thing, and saw that his cheeks were bright red and his eyes were wide open. 

Adam also choked and coughed at the comment as Leo knelt down next to him. Leo stole the cigarette from Adam’s mouth and took a drag himself. He gave it back to Adam who stuck it back in between his teeth. 

“Hope I don’t give you the flu.” Leo stated. 

“Wait, you have the flu? You dumbass, why didn’t you tell me?” Adam asked angrily, pulling the cigarette out of his mouth and glaring at Leo. 

“I had it like, a month ago.” Leo said, shrugging. Adam breathed a sigh of relief and stuck the cigarette back in his mouth. 

Adam took another drag, but instead of exhaling the smoke, he grabbed Leos face and turned it towards him. He looked Leo in the eyes and moved his face closer to his. He touched his own lips to Leos, who opened his mouth expectantly. Adam blew the smoke into Leo’s mouth and pulled away.

Dean didn’t think it would have been possible at this point, but he grew even more embarrassed and felt even more awkward due to the shotgun kiss his own little brother had just given some random boy. He glanced over at Sam again to find that he was staring at his shoes, clearly also embarrassed. 

Adam chuckled and took another drag of the cigarette as Leo looked at him with a hungry look. Adam glanced at him and realized what Leo wanted at this point. He put his cigarette in an ashtray and turned back to Leo. 

Dean squeezed his eyes shut as soon as he saw them start to make out. He was trying hard to somehow get them out of this memory. He felt weird and creepy watching his little brother make out with someone. He also felt this weird pit in his stomach that was almost something like jealousy. He couldn’t keep the thought that he desperately wanted that to be him and Cas out of his mind. He heard Sam clear his throat. 

“I, uh, didn’t even know Adam was gay. I mean, of course I don’t have any kind of issue with that, I just kinda wish we didn’t have to find out like this.” Sam said awkwardly. 

“Yeah… honestly though, Sam. We barely even know anything about him. I mean, we met him once and treated him like total shit. Then we abandoned him in hell for 10 years and let him run off with an archangel.” He said. He felt guiltier than ever. He was supposed to be a good big brother, but he never was to Adam. He barely even tried to get him out of the cage, and now he realizes that he barely even knows the kid. 

“Yeah, and he's been living at the bunker with us for the past few months, and I still feel like I don’t know him. Man, I feel bad.” Sam lamented.

The memory kept going on, Adam and Leo were laughing with each other now. Leo had gotten up and was dragging Adam off the floor with him. They began to dance with each other to Saturday by Fall Out Boy. Adam seemed genuinely happy. 

Suddenly, Dean heard Adam call out to him. He opened his eyes, but realized that it wasn’t this Adam that was calling out to him. He heard Sam’s name get called as well. 

“Adam? What’s going on?” Sam called back. Adam clearly couldn’t hear them, because he called out their names again.

“I tracked you guys and found you unconscious in this abandoned warehouse. There were like 4 demons here, but I just kinda stole your blades and stabbed first, asked questions later. I need you guys to wake up, I can’t carry your dead weight to the car.” He said.

Dean turned to Sam. “How the hell are we supposed to wake up?” He asked. Sam just shrugged. He squeezed his eyes shut again, in hopes that it would do something. 

Suddenly, he saw that blinding light again. I guess squeezing his eyes shut worked.

Dean opened his eyes to find the real Adam kneeling in front of him, shaking him awake. When Adam saw his eyes open, he breathed a sigh of relief. Dean cringed when he smelled the stench of cigarettes in his breath. 

He looked over at Sam, who was starting to wake up as well. They both began to get up as Adam stood up. 

“I’m uh, gonna go get the car and bring it around to the nearest exit so you guys don’t have to walk far.” Adam said, holding Dean’s keys in his hand. 

“Where’d you get those?” Dean asked groggily. 

“I just grabbed them out of your pocket, I thought I’d have to drag your unconscious bodies out to the car.” He said. Dean grunted in response 

(so here is a sort of shift to Adam’s POV because I’m bad at writing)

Adam left Sam and Dean to wake up and get themselves situated in order to get the car. He held the Impala key firmly in his hand as he walked towards the door. His jaw was clenched and his other hand was curled into a fist, his fingernails digging into his skin. Right before he realized his brothers had been gone an awful long time without checking in, he was close to climbing on top of the roof of the bunker and jumping off. He was in so much agony every single day with Michael gone. He had even started smoking again after he quit YEARS ago as a way of coping. 

He finally got to the car, and he drove it to the exit closest to where Sam and Dean were. He got out of the car and pulled out his pack of cigarettes. He went over to the passenger side and leaned up against the back door. He stuck a Newport between his teeth and lit it. 

He waited until he saw his brothers stagger groggily out the door and towards the car. He took the cig out of his mouth to greet them. He saw Sam look down at it and then back up at him. The look on his brother's face was… concerning. 

“What? Is smoking not allowed within 50 feet of the car or something?” He asked playfully. Sam grimaced. 

“No, it's just…. Adam, we should probably tell you what happened in there” Sam said. Adam raised an eyebrow as his heart started to race. He dropped his cigarette and squashed it with his foot. 

“Go on.” He said slowly.

“So, basically um…” Sam started. Adam could tell that he felt awkward about the situation, which made him feel even more scared. “We were shown happy memories of people we’ve hurt or lost, as a way to make us feel guilty, I guess.” Sam swallowed hard. “And well… you were one of them. We were shown a memory from when you were like what, 17? You were with this boy named Leo…” Sam said shakily. Adams' breath hitched in his throat. He knew exactly what they had seen. He was not at all ready to tell them that he was gay, not yet. 

“I’m guessing you saw me give him a shotgun kiss huh? That is one of my best memories.” Adam said shakily. He tried to remain his confident, cocky self, but he knew Sam wasn’t buying it.

Sam nodded. “Yeah, I uh, I didn’t know you were gay.” Sam said awkwardly. Adam gave him a small smile.

“Well, honestly… I wasn’t ready for you guys to know that I’m gay yet. I was terrified at how you'd react. You are John Winchester’s sons, after all.” Adam said, looking at the ground. 

“What is that supposed to mean?” Dean asked gruffly, going over to the drivers side. 

“Well, John was notoriously super homophobic. He was the reason I hated myself for so long. He convinced me that being anything but straight and cisgender was digusting. Even though I barely considered him family, his words still stuck with me. And I guess I thought that you guys, who were actually raised by him, would think the same way.” Adam said, shrugging. 

“We definitely don’t, don’t worry.” Sam replied. Adam looked up at him to see him giving a small smile. “I do have to ask though, when did you start smoking again? I mean, you’ve been with us for months and this is the first time I’ve seen you with a cigarette.” Sam asked.

Adam swallowed thickly. “Honestly Sam, I haven’t been doing too great. Michael…” He drifted off. 

“You miss him, don’t you?” Dean asked knowingly. Adam nodded.

“I…. I loved him. More than anything in the world. I thought we’d be able to spend eternity together, like he always promised me. We were supposed to see the world together. He was the light at the end of the tunnel of my shitty ass life. Then…. then he got ripped away from me by Chuck. It’s been agony without him. I thought that smoking would bring me at least a temporary distraction.” He said sadly. He looked up at Sam’s face. Sam looked both confused and sympathetic. Adam sighed. “Look, I know you guys say that he betrayed you guys and wanted to be Chuck’s favorite again, but I just don’t believe it. He told me that he would help defeat Chuck so we could live together in a peaceful world. I don’t believe that he just ran back to Chuck because he wanted to be daddys boy again.”

Sam shifted. He obviously didn’t know what to say. Adam looked down at his feet again until he felt two strong arms wrap around him. Sam was hugging him. It had been so long since he had been hugged that he quickly wrapped his arms around Sam. Adam began to sob softly. His love for Michael and his longing for him was an ache in his chest that wouldn’t go away. 

Sam pulled away and Adam wiped his tears. “Thank you.” He whispered. Sam nodded. Adam looked over at Dean, who was sighing shakily. Michael had told Adam that Dean and Castiel had something going on between them, so he immediately recognized that Dean was upset about Cas. He wanted to go over to him and comfort his older brother, but he knew that Dean wouldn’t be very receptive.

“But uh, Adam? I think I am going to take the responsible big brother role and force you to quit again.” Sam said, pointing at the pack of cigs that was still in Adam’s hand.

Adam chuckled. “Alright. As long as you don’t make me go cold turkey, I tried that before and it didn’t work.” Sam chuckled and nodded.

“Alright everyone, why don't we hop in the car and go on home?” Dean said. His voice was weak and shaky. Adam knew he was uncharacteristically close to tears. Him and Sam both nodded and hopped in the car.

They drove home, playing early 2000s pop punk music that Dean couldn’t quite recognize but Adam loved.

  
  


  
  



End file.
